But he loves you. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin, 16. You have owners. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. You have no choice. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! Thats all it is. And don't you love the way these kind of people pervert the English language? Of all the things you can do, giving someone an orgasm is hardly the worst thing in the world. Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. I dont understand why prostitution is illegal. Let's kill a beautiful tree that's been alive for seventy-five years and bring it to New York City. Some of these one-liners included: "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. I call it the American Okie Doke. So let me ask you something: how's everybody doing tonight, huh? And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. But no, Dorko in the plaid knickers is gonna hit it again, and walk some more. But I said it with a smile. Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day. I can't follow the logic on that one at all! They should be giving their money to you. They try to divide the rest of the people. (224), Many people work on war plans; not too many work on peace plans. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. They don't fall out of the sky; they don't pass through a membrane from a separate reality. And a boring game. And now, ladies and gentlemen, that we've enjoyed some good times this evening, and enjoyed some laughter together, I feel it is my obligation to remind you of some of the negative, depressing, dangerous, life-threatening things that life is really all about; things you have not been thinking about tonight, but which will be waiting for you as soon as you leave the theater or as soon as you turn off your television sets. Doesn't anyone in this country stop and LOOK AT THINGS anymore? The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, 46. I think if white people are gonna burn down black churches, then black people ought to burn down the House of Blues! When else are you gonna record it, afterwards? George Carlin - Wikispooks They want your fuckin' retirement money. We are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nit-wit who at the age of ten not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. I believe the list of ten commandments was artificially and deliberately inflated to get it up to ten. We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin, 79. The poor are there just to scare the shit out of the middle class. Here's another question I have. ", "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. So maybe it's not the politicians who suck; maybe it's something else. I'd like to repeat that, because it sounds *vaguely* important! And because most of this stuff is really lame, it's embarrassing to see my name on it. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesnt want you to do. So I say live and let live. [] I look at war a little bit differently. People are fucking dumb. When are they gonna outlaw this shit? Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things. George Carlin, 19. The original quote is, "We make ourselves miserable by first closing ourselves off from reality and then collecting this and that in an attempt to make ourselves happy by possessing happiness.

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